Talk to Fa

Contentment feels right for me. Not necessarily happy or sad. Not good or bad. I’m good with what is. I still know how to make myself happy if I want to, but I don’t have to do that all the time. I enjoy it, though. Like, the other day, I went out to a restaurant. It was such a pleasant experience that after ordering an appetizer and an entrée, I ordered another entrée. The server was laughing. I don’t think she was expecting an order of medium bison steak when she came back to my table with a dessert menu. I still had dessert after the bison, rhubarb panna cotta to be precise. My appetite surprises me sometimes. Good food makes me happy. I know how to have a good time.

I stopped consuming stimulants a few years ago. Coffee, alcohol, cannabis, and some other things. I quit because I wanted happiness to come from within. They say these substances aren’t addictive. I think they are. They were for me, and I didn’t want to admit that. There were individuals in my life whom I could only connect deeply with by sharing substances. When the effect wore off, the connection was lost. I wanted something more. Deeper, more meaningful, and something worth sustaining. People’s energy levels vary, but I am a high-energy beast. I realized I am a stimulant myself. When someone like me consumes external stimulants, it’s a complete overkill. Many people need stimulants to feel confident. I feel more relaxed and more like myself without stimulants.

I stopped wearing makeup daily because I didn’t want to anymore. I like my face the way it is. I stopped wearing a traditional bra. I always hated wearing a bra. It was so uncomfortable. Then one day, I realized I didn’t have to wear it, so I stopped. I quit social media because I didn’t want to wake up to a load of information I didn’t ask for. To this day, a few friends have asked me to come back to Instagram, which I find somewhat gratifying. But I feel really, really peaceful without it. And honestly, I don’t care about what’s trending. I used to think I should care, but I don’t. I’m very happy to be missing out.

I recently spent hours reducing my over 2000 contacts down to less than 200. Why keep them if I don’t even remember who they are? I still delete call and text history every day. I find it unnatural to keep a record of conversations. I believe in actively eliminating irrelevant digital content regularly. It’s the same as intentionally letting go of our outdated beliefs. It has to be done on purpose. However, when I meet friends or new people, I am very present. If they share stories and resources, I take them to heart because they came from the people I choose to keep and cultivate. I appreciate them sharing with me in person. This is how I learn in life.