I recently met two jewelry designers. One was from a small town in Argentina, and the other from Brazil. They were speaking Portuguese when I walked into their shop. The Argentine woman spoke Portuguese because her partner is from Brazil. She said Argentina has beautiful cities and villages, but its beaches aren’t so great. She said Brazil has way better beaches.
After chatting for a while, they complimented my skin, saying my tan was beautiful. The Argentine said she couldn’t tan like me because she was too pale. I told them it’s the sun and that the sun loves me. I’m probably the darkest I’ve ever been. Growing up in Japan, where pale skin is glamorized and over-idealized, women around me wore sunscreen and cover-ups daily. I always questioned the excessive aversion to the sun. In Japan, dark skin is often associated with farmers and physical laborers. Yeah, I get it because I know enough cultural nuances, but it’s still stupid because it comes from such a low, insecure place. As a kid, I played outside a lot, so I naturally got a tan in the summer. People often teased me for being darker, so I wore sunscreen and tried to avoid the sun as I hit puberty. Today, I love sunbathing and do not wear sunscreen at all. It feels toxic to me.
Back to the story. As I was leaving the shop, a thought hit me. What if people who do horrible things—dictators, colonizers, slave owners, criminals, psychopaths—are the way they are because they haven’t absorbed enough sun? Do they lack vitamin D? Maybe the lack goes way back to their previous generations. What if they hate themselves because the sun doesn’t love them? So they do horrible things to people who are in touch with the sun. Do you notice that those on the receiving end of tragedy tend to have darker skin? The sun's warmth gives me vitality that nothing else can. It lifts my mood and nourishes and strengthens my body, and seeing my skin darken in response to the sun makes me happy. I wonder what the world’s outcome would have been if they had simply admired those loved by the sun, rather than dictating, colonizing, owning, hurting, and abusing them.
I noticed that the scent of laundry detergent instantly lowers my libido. I was staying at an Airbnb, and they had a conventional laundry detergent with a typical artificial scent. The kind of scent many people find pleasant. Actually, do they? Maybe they are too desensitized, like I used to be. Anyway, I switched to natural, unscented products a few years ago when I got sick. Since then, I’ve eliminated toxins from my daily routines, cleansed my body’s internal system, and gotten used to my clothes and linens having no scent. Now my system cannot tolerate this fake smell. Not only does it lower my libido, but it also gives me a headache, disrupts my sleep, messes with my hormones, numbs my joints, and puts me in an irritable mood overall. It scares me to know I am actually in the minority. The world is filled with all kinds of chemical scents.
I’m feeling at ease, even more relaxed, because what’s meant for me won’t pass me by. I used to say that blindly, but now I know it. Woke up too late and missed a thing? I was supposed to miss it. Took the wrong turn and ended up somewhere else? That was the destination for now. Felt too tired at someplace fun? I was asked to rest. Communication unusually slow and quiet? It’s making space for something new. A friend didn’t follow through on their word? It’s not the time. What’s meant for me comes to me effortlessly. Without me trying. Without me saying a word. If I have to force it, I don’t want it. It’s all good.
Thank you for singing for me. Thank you for taking me to the rocks so I remember where I am from. Thank you for making me jewelry. Thank you for seeing the light in me and for seeing beyond what I saw in myself. Thank you for telling me that. Thank you for trusting me despite how little we know about each other in earthly ways. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. Now go home to the rocks where you will bask in peace, love, and music. I hope you get to relax. I hope they see you for who you are. I hope you sing again.
