Talk to Fa

Don’t tell me what to do. I am unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

Love this show.

I’m too original for their ish.

All I need to know who I’m attracted to is their voice and smell.

You might worry about me, but I am not worried about myself. I know that my not worrying about myself worries you, but please trust that it will all work out.

I couldn’t love my dog properly. I didn’t know how. He put me through the wringer. A real challenge. I also realized I didn’t love caring for an animal full-time. It was a real commitment. I wasn’t ready for it. Overnight, my freedom was gone. I was just thrown into it. My life changed drastically. I hated it. Over time, I got used to the rhythm of living with a dog. But it was never natural for me. Giving commands. Training. Being a pack leader or whatever. That just isn’t me. Until the end, he felt like a stranger. I often felt like an outsider at home. I pushed my feelings aside and did my best. It felt like he hated me. He really tested me. He bit my face. He bit my hands and fingers many times. He snapped at me when I tried to put a harness on him. I never knew when it would happen. I was scared of him. I felt guilty because I couldn’t give him what I thought he needed. Every time he snapped at me, it felt like he was saying, “That’s not it, try again.” What I really needed was not to have a dog and to get in touch with myself. If I knew myself better, I wouldn’t have gotten a dog.

It’s not often I meet people who can meet me where I am. Maybe fewer than 5 people in my entire life have truly given me that. I met one of them earlier this week. I was introduced to her by a new friend. We met at her home and spent an hour together. She learned about my quirks and recognized them with softness, depth, and love, with the level of awareness I’ve only wished others had. I really, really wanted that as a kid. I am starting to meet people who not only see me for who I am but also tell me, in words, why I am gifted. It is a shift. A much-needed one. I grew up without compliments or positive feedback. Through these new connections, I am remembering my power and gifts as I heal my inner child.

Man: Do you smoke weed?

Me: No.

Man: Can I follow you on Instagram?

Me: I don’t have Instagram.

Man: Can I get your number?

Me: No.

I filled the void of your world

With me, for the first time, you experienced what it’s like to feel whole

What it’s like to receive love and kindness

We only spent a little over an hour together

You told me I took a piece of you when I left

But you know by now I didn’t

That’s the void, you know?

From here, you are going to work backward to fill the missing piece on your own

Now that you know what goodness and wholesomeness feel like.