Talk to Fa

I can’t help but wonder what it would be like  if he weren’t in my life  if he were a loving person if he had the emotional capacity to receive me 

I wonder what it would be like  if I could cut a tie with him if I didn’t have to be on the receiving end of  the manipulation and the projection

I wish I could wipe all that off my memory and from my subconscious 

I wonder how I would have turned out  if he weren’t jealous of what I had that he didn’t have if he didn’t stop me from being who I am  and instead, if he just believed in me and supported me loudly and lovingly

I wonder…