On a Mission
I’m sick of waiting. I can’t keep going on like this. I feel like the goal is so close, but I honestly just wanna break down and cry. Bring me the blessings now. Where are the rewards for all the work I’ve put in? It’s hard to be optismistic right now. I need a big wave to carry me into prosperity and opportunities. Help me, universe. Please.
I went backwards. First, I experienced what it was like to have what I wanted. My deepest desire. It came like thunder. The highs were as incredible as the lows. Pushing all my buttons and bringing my blind spots to the surface. The undeniable feeling of finding a long-lost home in someone. The connection. The warmth. The oneness. I wasn’t ready to handle it. Back then, I was so lost and distracted that I didn’t know that was what I wanted. It felt like punishment, but it was a lesson, and a test, the most challenging one. The universe had me experience the sensation to reveal what I lacked, in order to keep the very thing my heart and soul craved all my life. The only thing that matters in a true sense. My first true love. In the process of shedding unwanted layers, coming home to myself, and surrendering to the flow, I learned to prepare myself, creating space for newness and strength to nurture and care for love.
Yesterday, I was out with a friend and said to her, “Today feels like Sunday already.” I’ve been thinking about why I feel that way. Time has been moving extra slow this month. Lately, the water has been calling my soul. So I made it out to the beach. When I get the calling, I try to follow it right away because that’s how I receive clues for the next steps.
It’s incredible what being in and near the water does to me. A change of scenery is always powerful and effective, as long as it’s different from my norm. But water, it does something special to me. It creates a flow when things are stagnant. It helps me connect the dots. It gives me a sense of purification and renewal, preparing me to welcome new things into my life. Oftentimes, something unexpected happens to me after being healed by the water.
Back to the question. Why does time seem to pass so slowly? I was hoping this month would be a fun, hot girl summer. It hasn’t been. Instead, it’s been a month of healing, journaling, detoxing, decluttering, synchronicities, vivid visions, sudden downloads, and soulful encounters. Like god damn. I had many sleepless nights this month. It sucks because sleep is crucial for well-being. I need a good night’s sleep to balance and nurture my big energy.
I was thinking about all of this as I lay on the rocks. Luckily, two of my greatest mentors were with me. Rocks and water. I started feeling softer and more open. Maybe my guides are telling me to slow down and notice every single thing I’m experiencing. Maybe I really do have everything I need to do things differently this time. I closed my eyes and looked right into the sun. I love that intense momentary blindness.
I’m embodying my confidence. This confidence I feel is earned. It is cultivated and cared for. I’ve worked hard and stayed consistent with my practice on and off the mat. Tapping inward, facing my shadows, actively being mindful and present, and taking action to level up every day in all aspects, in my unique ways.
Eventually, all the silent work pays off. My body is beautiful, strong, and flexible. My skin and hair glow. My aura is soft, and my backbone is solid. My nervous system is relaxed. My energy is big and warm. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, I’ll always maintain my rhythm and pace.
I’m human. I have days and moments of doubt, angst, and sadness. But now, I know what to do when the emotional waves come. I know myself better. Rather than running away from the emotions, I dive right in and flow with them. Discomfort is okay.
No one can take this away from me. The confidence that comes from within. Even if I lost all of my material belongings, “I” will always be here. This is what I always wanted. Now that I have it, I expect my outer world to match my inner glow-up.
Follow the clues.
Expression is freedom Love is freedom
There’s no room for control and manipulation in love No mind games to be played No weird tests to be conducted
If you love someone, you let them know If you love someone, you set them free
Hurt women raise men who then hurt the very women who are capable of healing them. The women finally awaken and find love within themselves. The world needs more women like that. Only such women can heal men.
To love with all my heart and soul.
Don’t be disappointed if you no longer recognize me. I’ve outgrown you. You can either level up or stay stuck in the past.
I’m not who you used to think I am. I am an ever-evolving soul.