make love
I had an unexpected revelation while browsing the book section at a local Goodwill. Here’s a page from Ways of Seeing by John Berger.
love
he loved and worshipped her but his vessel was too small to receive her as a whole
the grandeur of her love the brightness of her light the purity of her heart and soul
it was all too shiny too good to be true so he turned it into evil
if he only knew it was the most real thing he’d ever experienced
i miss my grandma
every summer i take two trains to get to her along the coast watching the shimmers on the calm waves soon i will get to her to her warmth her cooking her energy her love
her house is messy the floors greasy with the oil and steam from her constant cooking her constant love heavy love
her house always open women from the neighborhood loud tv snacks on the table in the morning i’m on her bicycle rusty with a pink cover she wears the same hat she rides to the same places peaceful winds on my cheeks on my tanned legs i smell her
she doesn’t ask she just does
i miss her
i miss my grandma
New project: Short Film “Speech Therapist”
I’ve been responding to the universe’s guidance and trying things that it presents to me. Apparently, acting is one of them.
This turned out to be such a healing and empowering opportunity. I am so delighted that the director Destiny found me and trusted me with the role.
What a privilege to be part of the collective energies of fellow artists and dreamers. I loved every moment.
I’m ready, universe. I want more new experiences. Bring them to me!
———
Short film Speech Therapist by Destiny Jaimes Carachure
Produced by Leaphea Sambath
Co-cast: Jenna Aranda
BTS photos by Diego Salvacion
Thank you to the entire team at CSULB
———
The heartbreak that changed everything
I had social anxiety as a low teen.
I started experiencing it after one of the biggest tragedies of my life.
There was a boy I was into. He was the captain of my school’s soccer team. Athletic, charismatic, and flamboyant. Beautiful hair, full lips, husky voice. He had strong thighs and calves like a proper soccer player. He wore a navy and orange Le Coq track jacket to his practice. He looked like young Gael Garcia Bernal, but East Asian. I was in love with him.
He became my boyfriend for like 2 months. It felt like heaven. We would go to the local mall for dates. He would walk me home from school, and we held hands. We planned our first kiss over the phone and made it happen the next day. Such little nerds! I never wanted it to end.
Then all of a sudden, he told me that he liked one of my girlfriends and he couldn’t be my boyfriend anymore.
Every day felt like darkness. It went from romantic to hopeless in no time. What even is the point of living, said my 12-year-old self. I’d never ever experienced that kind of pain before. I liked him so so much, yet I couldn’t have him. It was excruciating.
I don’t remember much from the following two years. I have no memories from the period actually. I was legitimately traumatized. It was shocking to my whole system and altered my way of being. Social anxiety was one of the outcomes I suffered.
Up until the boy came into my life and left, I was quite extroverted. Vocal, outgoing, and social. I loved to be around people and especially to talk to people. The experience completely changed me, and it took me a few years to sufficiently recover. I honestly feel like I’m still making my way back to the old me.
