The first time I met her, I asked if she missed her husband. After a brief pause, she said “no.” That surprised me, but it was a very reassuring no. She said she loved him and did all she could to care for him while he was alive and healing from his illness.

A few nights ago, she and I were talking in the kitchen. She’d just finished packing for her trip and was leaving the next day. We are both healers, so our conversations usually revolve around healing. She asked me how I learned the healing method I offer. I told her it just came to me. It felt more like remembering how to do it again in this lifetime. That I never learned or studied. She grew curious. I offered her a quick demo of my work. She was delighted.

We cleared some floor space and made it cozy with soft lighting. I brought my speaker and, intuitively, chose a heart chakra frequency track from the many songs on my session playlist. I had her lie down on a yoga mat and sprayed natural jasmine-scented water onto her, knowing she liked the scent.

I got to work. I normally start with the lowest chakra, the root, and slowly move up to the crown, connecting with each energy point and having a silent conversation with it. Unlike most people I’ve worked with, her lower chakras were stable. When I moved up to her heart, I felt warmth in my heart and tears began to flow from my eyes. She was still grieving. Of course she is. Her heart was crying and feeling so many things. Then I moved up to her head. I always make little circles between the brows with my fingers. That’s where babies like to be massaged. When I did that, I felt her inner child yearning to play. It was as if the broken heart and the playful inner child were working together to create healing.

Her daughter had just moved out shortly before I arrived at the house. For the first time, she is enjoying her life as a single woman living on her own. After the session, we reflected. She told me she could cry at any moment from grief. She told me she’s cared for others all her life. I could feel her desire to have fun and to pour into herself.

#stories

I keep looking at my junior prom picture. I found it on my drive recently. I’m wearing a form-fitting, deep-cut V-neck halter dress in shimmery red. Floor-length. I’m wearing 3-inch-heeled vampy red patent-leather pumps with ankle straps. I’d gone to a hair salon to dye my hair black and get a chin-length bob for the occasion. My date is dressed in all black. Black pants, black shoes, a black shirt with the top buttons open, and a black tank top underneath. He’s wearing a tasteful silver necklace. His black hair is slicked back to show his forehead, and he’s wearing tinted gradient glasses. In the picture, he’s doing the bridal carry. Both of us are smiling big. He got us some special corsage and boutonniere made with black flowers. And to tie our outfits together, he got me a black feathered boa to flaunt and layer on my all-red look. I love how fun and flamboyant we were together. We danced all night. He was an excellent dancer. We had sex all night. On the bed. In the bathtub. Any surface we could find. And we joked and laughed all night.

#stories

I recently spent a week at a friend couple’s house. They go back and forth between two cities that are drivable from each other. I've known the woman for a long time. The man, I’ve only met him once or twice, just exchanging basic greetings. The first night, three of us had dinner together. It was a pleasant time. They were telling me about how they were doing as a fairly new couple. He jokingly said to me, “I like that she thinks I am always right.” She laughed. I didn’t laugh because I didn’t particularly find it funny. I found it icky. Throughout dinner, I was picking up on his fragile ego and controlling tendencies. I wished and wondered if she was aware of these qualities in him. A couple of days passed. She told me they decided to leave town a bit early. I immediately sensed he didn’t want to be near me. He knew I saw what he tried so hard to mask. Despite the cool-guy image he presented to the world, he seemed awkward and uncomfortable in his own skin. It was painful to watch. I’ve been there, too. Back then, being around someone who was unapologetically real was intimidating. I couldn’t bear it. Like they were piercing the blind spot I so desperately wanted to ignore. I hope this man heals. I hope he will learn I am not his enemy, but he is.

#stories

When I was sitting at the bar, two women were next to me on my left. Then another woman joined. They grabbed the stool on my right and moved it to my left so they could sit together. I was already settled in and didn’t wanna move for them. They said “sorry” and “thank you.” I accepted the situation, but I wasn’t gonna smile and be unnecessarily nice about it. What annoys me annoys me. I won’t be apologetic. I was proud of that. I was real.

#stories

I couldn’t love my dog properly. I didn’t know how. He put me through the wringer. A real challenge. I also realized I didn’t love caring for an animal full-time. It was a real commitment. I wasn’t ready for it. Overnight, my freedom was gone. I was just thrown into it. My life changed drastically. I hated it. Over time, I got used to the rhythm of living with a dog. But it was never natural for me. Giving commands. Training. Being a pack leader or whatever. That just isn’t me. Until the end, he felt like a stranger. I often felt like an outsider at home. I pushed my feelings aside and did my best. It felt like he hated me. He really tested me. He bit my face. He bit my hands and fingers many times. He snapped at me when I tried to put a harness on him. I never knew when it would happen. I was scared of him. I felt guilty because I couldn’t give him what I thought he needed. Every time he snapped at me, it felt like he was saying, “That’s not it, try again.” What I really needed was not to have a dog and to get in touch with myself. If I knew myself better, I wouldn’t have gotten a dog.

#stories

It was a New Moon night last summer. I was loading the dishwasher and starting my nightly routine. I heard an owl hooting outside. I stepped onto the balcony but didn’t see the owl. I sat on the patio chair. A lot was on my mind. I’d been feeling a persistent, inexplicable urge to change something in my life. Then I heard the owl again. This time, it sounded really close. I looked up, around, and back, and there he was, standing to the left of me, on top of the rail. He had been there the whole time. He was letting me know by hooting. He looked straight into my eyes for a few seconds. He had such piercing, deep eyes, like the darkness of the night sky. It was as if he knew everything that was about to happen, a major, life-changing shift. Then he flew away.

#stories

He was in a coma after a gnarly collision. He had a dream. A big arch stretched over a tree. Beneath the tree was a water paddle. He looked into the water but didn’t see his face in the reflection. A voice told him it wasn’t his time to go yet. He woke up and came back to life.

#dreams #stories

I was driving alone on the Pacific Coast Highway towards Santa Monica. The sun was setting on my right. Thick clouds had darkened the sky. The traffic was moving extra slow due to the fire damage. I was feeling this inexplicable ickiness all over my body and in my bones. I was feeling disappointed, frustrated, and sad in a way I’d never felt before. This was a brand new feeling. My heart was sinking deeper with each breath. I couldn’t reach the girlfriends I normally rely on via phone calls. I was crying. I’d just left a beautiful oceanfront home where I experienced sexual misconduct for the first time in my life.

I never thought, out of all the people I know, I would be the one experiencing something like this. I’ve always had a good people sense and sharp discernment. I can usually tell who’s real and who’s not. But this time, I was wrong.

To clarify, I was not pressured to have sex with this person. I received unwanted physical contact repeatedly, despite my verbal and nonverbal cues. My verbal boundary was very, very clear, and I intentionally kept a healthy distance from him when he was with me. But he was drinking the whole time and kept ignoring my boundaries. It’s possible he kept forgetting them due to the intoxication. I was surprised by how a person can misread cues that drastically. What I thought was obvious wasn’t obvious to him.

I tend to see the good in people, and my curiosity is always on fire. My usually positive traits got me in trouble this time. It’s fascinating how two people can see the situation so differently. This one was tricky because one was drunk, and one was completely sober. I drank water and non-alcoholic beverages throughout that day. He told me he was not an alcoholic, but it felt as if he could only relax and be comfortable with me while intoxicated. I grew up around alcoholic family members. They always say they are not an alcoholic. Anyway, he was stunned by the fact that I was content and relaxed with just water. We were on two completely different frequencies.

When I first met this person, I sensed his kind and genuine spirit. I never felt sexual or romantic attraction towards him, but I grew curious to get to know him as a person, as a friend. You might think I am naive, but I wholeheartedly believe in meaningful platonic connections. At that time, he seemed like a good vibe, as cliché as it sounds. But people are complex. They come with layers. And booze reveals a lot about the person.

When I finally reached home that night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about what went wrong and what I could have done to avoid the situation. I was already feeling so shitty, yet I kept blaming myself for the horrible experience. This is why so many women, and men, don’t come forward in situations like this. Finally, around 4 AM, I decided to draft a message to him. I described how the day went from my perspective. I expressed how the lack of his awareness and respect for my boundaries made me feel. I sent the message to him early in the morning.

He responded shortly. He apologized for the way I felt, but he claimed he did not touch me inappropriately. He thought we had such a nice day and was upset that this was my takeaway. He added that we are too different, which I agree with, ironically, in many ways.

His response left me speechless. But sadly, I was not surprised.

#stories

The other day, I was talking to a friend. He was heartbroken because he and his person love each other so much, but they are not together at this moment. There seems to be so much pain in their dynamic, as much as there’s love. “You can’t be everything,” I said to him. He resonated. It’s been a few days since the conversation, and I’m starting to feel differently about what I said. Why can’t we be everything to the one we love? How wonderful would it be if we could be everything to each other? To pour into each other with all we have? I want that.

#love #stories

I am sitting in my comfy lounge chair on the balcony. The kind that reclines horizontally. I love that chair. I hear the birds chirping. Jacaranda flowers are blooming. The air is crisp after a brief moment of rain. The sun is high and hot. There’s no single cloud in the blue sky. I hear kids and adults playing soccer on the grass. My sheer curtains are dancing in the gentle breeze. Neighbors’ wind chimes are ringing softly. I’m wearing a white cotton tank, feeling the warm sun and the cool winds on my skin. My bee sting from Wednesday is healing okay. I’d just baked banana bread for me and a friend. She’s on her way. My door is unlocked to let her in. My room is filled with the sweet aroma. I’m just gonna sit in the sun until she arrives. I am journaling about the dream I saw last night. I’ve been having lots of vivid dreams lately. I sip on mint tea and take a deep breath. It smells like the beginning of summer, of something new and extraordinary.

#stories #vibes