A shaman I met in Central America once told me that one of my biggest challenges would be to single out what my gift and purpose are.
He said because I’m skilled at so many things on an exceptional level, people are going to project their ideas onto me in regards to what I should do or who I should become.
When I heard that, it brought me a big sense of relief. It’s true, I’m naturally good at many things. But that doesn’t mean I want to pursue all of them.
This entire year, I’ve been a hermit. I shut down a lot of outside influences and tried my best to get to know me again.
I’ve learned that I don’t need much to be happy and content as long as I have my health and my own company, I must protect myself around those who are energy drainers while staying open and kind, and that I don’t like a lot of things I used to think I did.
And I have a deep inner knowing. My soul is very, very old.
In my waking consciousness, my antenna is always on. I am constantly observing and connecting to everything around me. Most of the time, I am unaware of such activities. This is just my natural state.
When I’m engaged in a conversation, I give all of myself to whom I’m talking to. On the other hand, I often zone out to the point I fail to notice words said by someone who’s in my face.
When I hear a beautiful piece of music, or when I am immersed in nature, I get goosebumps and tears brim in my eyes.
When I am lying on the ground and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, I am reminded of my past life as a living soul in a strange place with intense heat.
When I am in the presence of someone who is hurting, my heart aches, with tightness in my chest.
When I spend time with someone who is very negative, my neck and shoulders turn stiff and I experience pain and fatigue the next day.
I’ve learned to manage the influence of outside energies all my life, but especially the past couple of years as my awareness has grown even further.
It is exciting to be me. Yet very exhausting.
I don’t know how to turn my antenna off.
She entered the room in a flamboyant manner. Dressed in a marigold color two-piece suit that resembled a noble African tribe chief. It suited her so well, and she looked completely androgynous.
