On a Mission
You watched me go through a hell of inner work for years. I went to the “places” many wouldn’t have the guts to. I am only now realizing how severe the damage was from everything that happened and everything else I carried on my shoulders for all these years. There was a reason why I had to get lost and wander around many side quests. My life is only now getting started.
I want to share with you what I’ve been up to. As the lunar new year approaches, I am looking back at 2024. It was a year of discoveries.
I modeled for a national insurance company. They hired me to model for their media library of stock photos. I came, posed, and made a month-worth of money in 30 minutes. At the set, I shook hands with a man, who I only later learned was a Hall of Fame baseball player from the New York Yankees. He was the brand ambassador. It was interesting to be on the other side of business. As an Art Director, I used to create marketing campaigns by accessing clients’ media libraries.
I was cast for the lead role in a short film. After the shoot, I told the young film director that I had never acted in my life. She was shocked and told me I was natural. I, too, was surprised at how relaxed I was. I enjoyed being the center of attention and was able to make everyone around me comfortable. I overheard someone saying “Acting is responding,” which still lingers in my head.
I volunteered as an energy healer at my yoga studio. There’s a class where healers with various expertise go around and offer healing during a yin yoga class. The opportunity to work as a healer came to me just when I was starting to feel like myself. Over the past year, I worked on so many people, from all kinds of backgrounds. My method of healing involves hands-on touch. The more I practiced, the more in tune I was able to connect. It feels like a silent energetic conversation.
I worked as a sales consultant at a fine art gallery. This opportunity felt fated. Last summer, I went into the gallery as a visitor and had an amazing conversation with an unassuming man who I later found out was the owner and curator. He then offered me the job. On the first day of that job, I worked 9 hours straight. There was an event nearby, and we had more visitors than usual. Well-spoken elders. Quiet collectors in Patagonia jackets. Passionate art lovers with pungent coffee breath. Newly-wed couples looking for the perfect painting for their bedroom. Influencer-type women in fits that slayed. I conversed with all of these people. And I was very good at it.
So why am I sharing this? Because all these experiences led me to realize my gift of connection through listening and talking. Most importantly, being my authentic self brought me all of these opportunities.
Authenticity is powerful. Only you can be you.
I feel so empty and lonely when I’m with some people They have no idea how much they don’t know Yet they think they know everything
There was a man in gray hoodies sitting next to me in the waiting room One of his upper cheeks was pierced with a black piercing His backpack pockets had a bunch of crinkled tissue in them His eyes were glazed His vibe eccentric and otherworldly His body language chaotic, erratic, and anxious Saying random stuff whenever he wanted to Yet there was a sense of freedom to his energy
Nobody was talking in the waiting room Everyone staring into their phones To avoid looking at each other Dead silence
A song was playing on the speaker It must have been a playlist of 2000s hits He said to me, “I hope I will fall in love again” It was a part of the chorus lyrics I smiled at him and said “I hope I will, too.”
I am here to show you how good life can be. I love you with all I am.
“You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discover that it happened 100 years ago to Dostoyevsky. This is a very great liberation for the suffering, struggling person, who always thinks that he is alone. This is why art is important. Art would not be important if life were not important, and life is important.” — James Baldwin
So this is what choosing me feels like.
