It’s cool to be able to do something I was too scared to even try. Back in August 2023, I wrote about my headstand progress and how fear was getting in the way of me going up vertically, rather than lack of strength or balance. Now that I’ve made friends with fear, I’m also realizing the importance of upper body strength in being able to hold the posture. I love new discoveries like this through a new challenge. I love that part about myself.
I’ve come to embrace I’m not interested in stories written by others. Films, books, shows, talks, etc. It doesn’t matter if they are written by the greatest writer in history. Simply, they are not my stories. I love the fact people create and put them into the world to share, and sometimes I relate and resonate with some. But on a personal level, I’m solely interested in the experiences and interactions that happen immediately around me. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right here right now.
Hey beautiful souls, I’m now offering private healing sessions in my home in Highland Park, Los Angeles.
You’ll receive a combination of intuitive energy work and sensory touch therapy.
When I work on you, I scan your body, tap into my energy, and connect with yours through my touch. From there, I’ll intuitively know what to do with you. I will be there to hold a safe space for you, so you can come home to yourself. Maybe light a little fire in your heart, if you are open.
Since November, I’ve been volunteering as a healer in my friend and amazing yoga teacher Meg Shoemaker’s Healing Collective class at Kinship Yoga working on multiple people in each class a couple of times a week.
It’s been rewarding to have a direct impact on many people in front of my eyes. Some of them told me they felt seen for the first time in a while and the effect and feeling I brought to them were very special.
This is undoubtedly the most fulfilling work I’ve ever done in my life. It puts me in my element like nothing else. It comes in so naturally and almost effortlessly because it relies on my intuition. The culmination of my energy, my being, my gifts, and my love.
So take a journey with me. Here’s a link to book a session if you are interested. You will be in good hands with me.
I started experiencing it after one of the biggest tragedies of my life.
There was a boy I was into. He was the captain of my school’s soccer team. Athletic, charismatic, and flamboyant. Beautiful hair, full lips, husky voice. He had strong thighs and calves like a proper soccer player. He wore a navy and orange Le Coq track jacket to his practice. He looked like young Gael Garcia Bernal, but East Asian. I was in love with him.
He became my boyfriend for like 2 months. It felt like heaven. We would go to the local mall for dates. He would walk me home from school, and we held hands. We planned our first kiss over the phone and made it happen the next day. Such little nerds! I never wanted it to end.
Then all of a sudden, he told me that he liked one of my girlfriends and he couldn’t be my boyfriend anymore.
Every day felt like darkness. It went from romantic to hopeless in no time. What even is the point of living, said my 12-year-old self. I’d never ever experienced that kind of pain before. I liked him so so much, yet I couldn’t have him. It was excruciating.
I don’t remember much from the following two years. I have no memories from the period actually. I was legitimately traumatized. It was shocking to my whole system and altered my way of being. Social anxiety was one of the outcomes I suffered.
Up until the boy came into my life and left, I was quite extroverted. Vocal, outgoing, and social. I loved to be around people and especially to talk to people. The experience completely changed me, and it took me a few years to sufficiently recover. I honestly feel like I’m still making my way back to the old me.
It’s 9:30 pm on December 31, 2023. I’m so done with 2023. It was not a fun year for me. It was rather a year of restoration, rediscovery, and preparation.
I still wanted to reflect on and list all the good things I did for myself before the year ends.
strength training and hot yoga
improved headstand and other inversion poses
improved flexibility and mobility
stretching rituals every morning
more meditation
more walks
more time alone
daily and nightly journaling
dream journaling
painting as a way of visual journaling
framed and hung my art
started offering intuitive healing
shared my writing more openly
started acting on intuition
spoke kindly to myself and others
spoke honestly with my parents
spoke less and listened more
better boundaries to protect my energy and peace
stopped talking to flaky friends
went to bed earlier
slept more
quit alcohol
quit coffee
quit cannabis
quit refined sugar
quit heavily processed foods
quit seed oils
ate mostly organic
ate more red and organ meats to rebuild the foundation
intuitive eating
stopped buying paper towels and cleaning products
got rid of toxic nonstick cooking pots and pans
parchment paper instead of foil
glass instead of plastic
read and listened to books and talks relevant to where i am in life
was selective about what sources of entertainment to consume
sold my tv
took better care of plants
fixed basic home repairs on my own
got sun on me during the day
simplified skin/body care routine and products
stopped wearing makeup regularly
wore more cotton and natural fabric for underwear and clothes
got rid of lots of physical clutter at home
got rid of most of my fashion jewelry and only kept what i love
A shaman I met in Central America once told me that one of my biggest challenges would be to single out what my gift and purpose are.
He said because I’m skilled at so many things on an exceptional level, people are going to project their ideas onto me in regards to what I should do or who I should become.
When I heard that, it brought me a big sense of relief. It’s true, I’m naturally good at many things. But that doesn’t mean I want to pursue all of them.
This entire year, I’ve been a hermit. I shut down a lot of outside influences and tried my best to get to know me again.
I’ve learned that I don’t need much to be happy and content as long as I have my health and my own company, I must protect myself around those who are energy drainers while staying open and kind, and that I don’t like a lot of things I used to think I did.
And I have a deep inner knowing. My soul is very, very old.
In my waking consciousness, my antenna is always on. I am constantly observing and connecting to everything around me. Most of the time, I am unaware of such activities. This is just my natural state.
When I’m engaged in a conversation, I give all of myself to whom I’m talking to. On the other hand, I often zone out to the point I fail to notice words said by someone who’s in my face.
When I hear a beautiful piece of music, or when I am immersed in nature, I get goosebumps and tears brim in my eyes.
When I am lying on the ground and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, I am reminded of my past life as a living soul in a strange place with intense heat.
When I am in the presence of someone who is hurting, my heart aches, with tightness in my chest.
When I spend time with someone who is very negative, my neck and shoulders turn stiff and I experience pain and fatigue the next day.
I’ve learned to manage the influence of outside energies all my life, but especially the past couple of years as my awareness has grown even further.
It is exciting to be me. Yet very exhausting.
I don’t know how to turn my antenna off.
