It’s cool to be able to do something I was too scared to even try. Back in August 2023, I wrote about my headstand progress and how fear was getting in the way of me going up vertically, rather than lack of strength or balance. Now that I’ve made friends with fear, I’m also realizing the importance of upper body strength in being able to hold the posture. I love new discoveries like this through a new challenge. I love that part about myself.
I’ve come to embrace I’m not interested in stories written by others. Films, books, shows, talks, etc. It doesn’t matter if they are written by the greatest writer in history. Simply, they are not my stories. I love the fact people create and put them into the world to share, and sometimes I relate and resonate with some. But on a personal level, I’m solely interested in the experiences and interactions that happen immediately around me. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right here right now.
It’s 9:30 pm on December 31, 2023. I’m so done with 2023. It was not a fun year for me. It was rather a year of restoration, rediscovery, and preparation.
I still wanted to reflect on and list all the good things I did for myself before the year ends.
A shaman I met in Central America once told me that one of my biggest challenges would be to single out what my gift and purpose are.
He said because I’m skilled at so many things on an exceptional level, people are going to project their ideas onto me in regards to what I should do or who I should become.
When I heard that, it brought me a big sense of relief. It’s true, I’m naturally good at many things. But that doesn’t mean I want to pursue all of them.
This entire year, I’ve been a hermit. I shut down a lot of outside influences and tried my best to get to know me again.
I’ve learned that I don’t need much to be happy and content as long as I have my health and my own company, I must protect myself around those who are energy drainers while staying open and kind, and that I don’t like a lot of things I used to think I did.
And I have a deep inner knowing. My soul is very, very old.
I have no desire or patience to explain myself.
If you get me, that’s lovely.
If you don’t, no amount of explanation is going to put us in natural alignment.
I hear a calling Through my left ear I feel their presence They talk to me
The shamanic psychic who was loved by her children and grandchildren
The community leader who created a safe space for the neighborhood outcasts
The vivacious spiritual nomad who raised the secret love child of her lousy brother
The larger-than-life lover who cared for everyone who had the pleasure of entering her life
The misunderstood wanna-be actress who died angry at the world
These are women in my lineage
I know I am connected I know I am protected I am deeply rooted
I am a sum of these women Everything that they were Everything they wished to be.
I sleep a lot.
In my waking consciousness, my antenna is always on. I am constantly observing and connecting to everything around me. Most of the time, I am unaware of such activities. This is just my natural state.
When I’m engaged in a conversation, I give all of myself to whom I’m talking to. On the other hand, I often zone out to the point I fail to notice words said by someone who’s in my face.
When I hear a beautiful piece of music, or when I am immersed in nature, I get goosebumps and tears brim in my eyes.
When I am lying on the ground and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, I am reminded of my past life as a living soul in a strange place with intense heat.
When I am in the presence of someone who is hurting, my heart aches, with tightness in my chest.
When I spend time with someone who is very negative, my neck and shoulders turn stiff and I experience pain and fatigue the next day.
I’ve learned to manage the influence of outside energies all my life, but especially the past couple of years as my awareness has grown even further.
It is exciting to be me. Yet very exhausting. I don’t know how to turn my antenna off.
That’s why I need a lot of sleep.
