i know what i know
my soul has lived many, many lives my intuition is not random it is the accumulation of knowledge and experiences from my past and current lives
journal
I'm a picky eater now
Growing up, I was encouraged to eat everything. As a result, I became a good, non-picky eater. However, I am learning that my body is just not happy with certain foods.
Spicy chilis make my stomach upset.
Nightshade vegetables, non-raw milk dairies, shellfish, and blue fish make my skin itch.
Overprocessed gluten inflames my muscles and joints.
Refined sugar gives me a brain fog. I feel weak and stupid after consuming sugar.
Coffee makes me jittery. I used to think that was normal, but I didn’t want that to be how I felt every morning.
The morning after consuming alcohol, my skin feels dehydrated like a desert. I see wrinkles on my face that I normally never see.
So I’ve removed these foods from my diet. Of course, I make exceptions from time to time.
Some of these foods were harder to let go of than others. I used to love hand-pouring coffee. I looked forward to the ritual every morning. Weighing the beans. Folding and setting the filter. Pouring water slowly as the beans bloom and the aroma fills the air. Many evenings, I enjoyed a glass or two of red wine. Sometimes I’d sip on añejo tequila or mezcal. And I’d do that while watching the sunset or listening to music.
One thing about me, I do not like dwelling on the past and what’s no longer working for me. I enjoy adapting to new ways, and I did.
Now I am a very picky eater. I listen to my body and what it needs/does not, and I really like how I feel with and from what I eat.
Up and up
It’s cool to be able to do something I was too scared to even try. Back in August 2023, I wrote about my headstand progress and how fear was getting in the way of me going up vertically, rather than lack of strength or balance. Now that I’ve made friends with fear, I’m also realizing the importance of upper body strength in being able to hold the posture. I love new discoveries like this through a new challenge. I love that part about myself.
Right here right now
I’ve come to embrace I’m not interested in stories written by others. Films, books, shows, talks, etc. It doesn’t matter if they are written by the greatest writer in history. Simply, they are not my stories. I love the fact people create and put them into the world to share, and sometimes I relate and resonate with some. But on a personal level, I’m solely interested in the experiences and interactions that happen immediately around me. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right here right now.
Changes & accomplishments I made in 2023
It’s 9:30 pm on December 31, 2023. I’m so done with 2023. It was not a fun year for me. It was rather a year of restoration, rediscovery, and preparation.
I still wanted to reflect on and list all the good things I did for myself before the year ends.
- strength training and hot yoga
- improved headstand and other inversion poses
- improved flexibility and mobility
- stretching rituals every morning
- more meditation
- more walks
- more time alone
- daily and nightly journaling
- dream journaling
- painting as a way of visual journaling
- framed and hung my art
- started offering intuitive healing
- shared my writing more openly
- started acting on intuition
- spoke kindly to myself and others
- spoke honestly with my parents
- spoke less and listened more
- better boundaries to protect my energy and peace
- stopped talking to flaky friends
- went to bed earlier
- slept more
- quit alcohol
- quit coffee
- quit cannabis
- quit refined sugar
- quit heavily processed foods
- quit seed oils
- ate mostly organic
- ate more red and organ meats to rebuild the foundation
- intuitive eating
- stopped buying paper towels and cleaning products
- got rid of toxic nonstick cooking pots and pans
- parchment paper instead of foil
- glass instead of plastic
- read and listened to books and talks relevant to where i am in life
- was selective about what sources of entertainment to consume
- sold my tv
- took better care of plants
- fixed basic home repairs on my own
- got sun on me during the day
- simplified skin/body care routine and products
- stopped wearing makeup regularly
- wore more cotton and natural fabric for underwear and clothes
- got rid of lots of physical clutter at home
- got rid of most of my fashion jewelry and only kept what i love
- decorated my place only with items i love
A hermit year
A shaman I met in Central America once told me that one of my biggest challenges would be to single out what my gift and purpose are.
He said because I’m skilled at so many things on an exceptional level, people are going to project their ideas onto me in regards to what I should do or who I should become.
When I heard that, it brought me a big sense of relief. It’s true, I’m naturally good at many things. But that doesn’t mean I want to pursue all of them.
This entire year, I’ve been a hermit. I shut down a lot of outside influences and tried my best to get to know me again.
I’ve learned that I don’t need much to be happy and content as long as I have my health and my own company, I must protect myself around those who are energy drainers while staying open and kind, and that I don’t like a lot of things I used to think I did.
And I have a deep inner knowing. My soul is very, very old.
PSA
I have no desire or patience to explain myself.
If you get me, that’s lovely.
If you don’t, no amount of explanation is going to put us in natural alignment.
Lineage
I hear a calling Through my left ear I feel their presence They talk to me
The shamanic psychic who was loved by her children and grandchildren
The community leader who created a safe space for the neighborhood outcasts
The vivacious spiritual nomad who raised the secret love child of her lousy brother
The larger-than-life lover who cared for everyone who had the pleasure of entering her life
The misunderstood wanna-be actress who died angry at the world
These are women in my lineage
I know I am connected I know I am protected I am deeply rooted
I am a sum of these women Everything that they were Everything they wished to be.
Antenna
I sleep a lot.
In my waking consciousness, my antenna is always on. I am constantly observing and connecting to everything around me. Most of the time, I am unaware of such activities. This is just my natural state.
When I’m engaged in a conversation, I give all of myself to whom I’m talking to. On the other hand, I often zone out to the point I fail to notice words said by someone who’s in my face.
When I hear a beautiful piece of music, or when I am immersed in nature, I get goosebumps and tears brim in my eyes.
When I am lying on the ground and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, I am reminded of my past life as a living soul in a strange place with intense heat.
When I am in the presence of someone who is hurting, my heart aches, with tightness in my chest.
When I spend time with someone who is very negative, my neck and shoulders turn stiff and I experience pain and fatigue the next day.
I’ve learned to manage the influence of outside energies all my life, but especially the past couple of years as my awareness has grown even further.
It is exciting to be me. Yet very exhausting. I don’t know how to turn my antenna off.
That’s why I need a lot of sleep.
